You’ll grow out of it, they said…

When I was very young I would break out in rashes, mostly on my inner elbow areas. I remember them diagnosing me with eczema and telling my parents “don’t worry, she’ll grow out of it”. They prescribed steroid creams and oatmeal baths.

In my teenage years, I had many different flare-ups of eczema, even some on my face. I found it really embarrassing and difficult to hide. I didn’t flare up all the time, but it would still be pretty uncomfortable when it happened. I was treated by many dermatologists. They continued to prescribe stronger steroids and told me that I “would grow out of it” when I was an adult.

As I got older, I noticed my skin was thinning out. I tried to limit my steroid cream usage to only the most severe flare-ups. I tried to stick to over-the-counter products. I remember when a nurse friend of mine told me my prescriptions were extremely strong. I told her that I would someday “grow out of it” and I wouldn’t need them at all anymore.

It was 10 years ago when I became a dental hygienist. I’m not usually one to brag, but I was damn good at it and patients really loved coming to see me. However, it was a physically and emotionally draining profession. It wasn’t just the back and shoulder pains or the sciatica from sitting a certain way too long, but also the constant stress of managing patient after patient with very limiting time constraints.

I thought I was “growing out of it”.

Four years ago, when I moved into my new home with my partner, my skin flared up and it did not heal as it usually would. My face, neck, shoulders, back, arms, and hands were all red, itchy, and shedding skin. I thought it was just my seasonal allergies, but it took about 1–2 years for it to calm down. I had patch-testing and was told I was allergic to all fragrances and “Balsam of Peru”, so I changed all the products in my household, my makeup and skincare products. My skin condition calmed down, but only for a little while.

In 2019, I was aware that I was burning out, but I didn’t want to face it. I had a terrible work-life balance. I was focused only on my career and this idea that I had to be the “perfect” hygienist. I no longer had time for my hobbies. I was constantly stressed out. At this time, the frequent use of gloves, hand sanitizer, and harsh soaps were causing mild to moderate atopic dermatitis (a type of eczema) on my wrists and hands.

Fast-forward to the pandemic of 2020. I was still struggling with my skin condition, but when I returned to work with added precautions, extra PPE (personal protective equipment), and a very different schedule, my hands worsened. It was an extremely stressful time. Dental hygienists don’t typically get paid sick days. I couldn’t take good care of myself or my skin. My hands and wrists got to the point where I could barely put on gloves. All the skin was broken and weeping. I tried to work through it, but I eventually had to go on medical leave. I was in pain.

I was not going to “grow out of it”.

I struggled with depression. My hands were healing too slowly. I had done a lot of damage. I realized I would not be returning to work. It was heart-breaking at first because I loved my patients, but I had to start taking care of myself. I began to research other career options, and web development sounded both interesting and maybe even attainable. After having a wonderful conversation with a Juno College graduate and attending a free online workshop with Juno College, I realized it was more than attainable. I realized that for once I would have a chance to tap into my creative side and actually build things. As a dental hygienist, there were never any opportunities to create something or think outside of the box. It was time for a change, and so I decided to become a web developer.

Maybe I was never meant to “grow out of it”.

I like to think that things happen for a reason. My skin tends to flare up the most when I’m under a lot of stress. I was burning out and it was reflected in the state of my skin. It pushed me to make a change, and I’m grateful it did, because I’m now enrolled in a web development bootcamp at Juno College.

I don’t know if I will ever “grow out of it”.

I’m still searching for answers and trying to heal. There are still sleepless nights spent scratching, skin flakes all over everything I touch, numerous diet changes, and countless creams/ointments being used. The only thing I really know for sure is that I’m in a way better place now and I am so excited to see where this journey takes me.